- in General
I was reading an article on Monica On Money the other day with the title “You Don’t Have To Be A Superhero To Become Debt Free”. I got to thinking, if you are having a few money issues, its nothing to get under the weather about, it happens to everyone. It’s not only us regular folk who struggle with debt.
Take Batman for instance, not only does he enjoy dressing up in a custom made outfit, which is not a cheap hobby, I assure you, he has some considerable monthly outgoings.
Have you seen that massive house he lives in? A lovely 47 room, four storey Grade 1 Listed Georgian Mansion in the English countryside.
It’s not exactly cheap trying to heat 47 rooms and a bat cave. Oh and that car he drives around in, not exactly fuel efficient is it?
Now he is in the fortunate position to be the recipient of a small trust fund which should cover his monthly expenses.
He is, I imagine, one of the few superheroes who does not have to resort to payday cash loans at least once a month.
So, who are these caped crusaders with poor credit files?
In his early years Bruce Banner, AKA The Hulk, had a promising career as a nuclear physicist until injecting himself with a cocktail of weaponized drugs, which Bruce has since admitted was "a bit of a silly move which I didn’t really think through”.
After several run- ins with the law, Banner is now claiming long term unemployment benefits on the count of him being a massive green raging psychopath with near limitless superhuman strength.
He has started to rack up some pretty serious credit card debt, paying for his major monthly costs, which include 500 litres of Coco Butter to help with the stretch marks from accelerated muscle growth and plenty of Xanax to take the edge off when he gets a little antsy.
Monthly Debts - $3k
Works as a low level journalist for The Planet. Rarely puts in more than a standard 9-5 shift on the count of him being busy fighting crime and getting jiggy with Lois Lane.
He certainly isn’t bringing home more than $40k a year and because he is such a nice guy, he is unlikely to ever ask his boss Perry for a raise.
Likes tight fitting spandex, the type that lets your skin breath (which isn’t cheap) and spends a fortune on gym memberships to stay in shape. He’s so broke; he can’t even afford contact lenses to replace the eye glasses the doctor prescribed him when he was 12.
Monthly debts – At least $2k
On the face of it, you would expect Spidey to be claiming every type of government benefit going. It’s common knowledge that Peter Parker isn’t exactly rolling in cash. He scraped his way through school on a science scholarship and while he appears to be upwardly mobile, with an exciting job as a budding photo journalist, the fact remains, he still lives with his aunt.
That said, outgoings are low, rides a bike to work, sews his own costumes and sells hand made silk woven garments on Ebay, making good use of that stuff that comes out of his web shooters.
Monthly Debts –$1,500
The only lady to feature on the list.
Wonder Woman is a warrior princess of the Amazon, gifted with a wide range of superhuman powers, unfortunately financial prudence is not one of them. She has a collection of tiaras and it's also rumoured the reason she doesn't fly in her invisible plane is that it was repossessed.
After writing a series of bad cheques and being convicted of identity fraud in the early 1990’s Wonder Woman managed to turn her life around.
She has since reinvented herself and is paying off her debts by working as a CIA interrogator utilising her unbreakable magic lasso that can force anyone to tell the truth.
Monthly Debts: UNDISCLOSED
I told you about Batman earlier in this article, well, spare a though for his former side kick Robin.
After a drunken night in Gotham in 2004, the details of which are still not clear, the caped crusader took out a restraining order against Robin forbidding him of getting within 200 feet.
Word got around and crime fighting work soon dried up for Robin.
Robin reinvented himself as a pop star and released an album with boy band "Teen Titans" which failed to chart. He then threw his remaining savings into a Las Vegas housing scheme which subsequently collapsed in 2007.
Since being discharged from bankruptcy in 2012, Robin has been living in a spiritual commune in the Nevada Desert.
Monthly Debts - $1,500
*This article is not intended to libel any superheroes, dead or alive. All income reports have been invented by me, for my own childlike amusement.